Why we should stop talking about self-esteem? And just focus on self. A little manifest about body image and other thoughts…

Hi Dear,

Do you agree that we need to be more kind to ourselves? And have more fun? Much more fun!

Diving in immediately.

I was raised by strong women- my mother and my granmother, both of whose beauty and stubborness made me believe that I was always good enough, that I was me. I was raised to believe I could do anything. From early on our family was always surrounded with lot’s of people so I also learned to find my place within the group. The notion of not being good enough- not to believe in myself, came only later in life.

It is funny how the world can make you feel inadequate and small. How other people’s opinions and words can make you or brake you, if you’re not paying attention. However I do not want to get into that too deeply, instead I want to focus here on the self. What I am trying to say, is that you are the one who will or will not allow that to happen to you. The master of your ship, the sun to your own earth, however you want to put it.

Even though I was raised good it did not mean I would not get lost somewhere along the way. But the confidence that was built in me, helped me to get over that challenge.

 

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We are all given wings to fly, it is up to us how we learn to fly.

 

The childhood and building on the trust

I was always good in arts and crafts and supported and raised to think that I can do anything. My mother made sure I was given the tools to create. Whether it was woodwork, painting or sports, I was encouraged to do it all. I was being enabled to find my talents. There were no restrictions put between what boys could do and what could girls do.

My mother would be my biggest critic when it came to my drawings, which would hurt at the time but later in life I realized that it was her way to teach me to grow. — So thank you mom for teaching me to trust in my own vision and to take on criticism.

When it comes down to parenting, I believe it is about teaching a little person to believe in themselves. That someday when they are out there making their way in the world they would carry that trust and love with them. They would understant that other people will always have opinions, but like taste in style there are some good and some bad ones. We need to learn to deal with them and question them. – I grew up to be rather stubborn…

I feel the biggest gift that parents can pass on to their kids is the lesson of love. Even though I would be dissapointed by friends, lovers or by just raising my expectations too high, I’d still feel loved and trusting in life.

 

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I mean boy’s are as much as capable than us, right?

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My mother was strong but underneath all that single parent strength would lie certain voulnerability that I saw. That made me learn that people can have sad, lonely and misunderstood moments but still be happy in life. I learned that showing your emotions is not a bad thing. The biggest journey to growth is within ourselves, it is the relationship we build with ourself. Showing to others who you are and how you really feel will bring you closer to those true relationships you are aiming for in this life.

The strength of you rises from within. Don’t you agree?

The best friends you have and the best moments with people when you’ve felt connected, were the ones when they opened up to you. I really believe we are born to share and communicate. Bonding is the salt in relationships, it makes all taste so much better.

When you realize that you are chosen to be the person worthy of someone’s honesty and trust, it is incredibly humbling. If only we could all be honest and open about our lives without the fear of being judged or hated.

 

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Was I raised to be trustworthy?

 

We should all ask that from ourselves. And yes I do consider myself to be raised to have a good confidence of who I am and the sense of wrong and right. You would not fuck around with people’s feelings by talking shit about them or treating them badly. We all agree on those values but yet still, that is the biggest problem in relationships, dishonesty and the lack of trust.

It is so often we hear people complaining and blaiming everything on their childhood, what their parents did wrong. And separating ourselves from our parents is a big part of growing up and getting independent. But to understand that the mistakes they did do not define our future is the key. From all the wrongs they might have done there is more rights.

When the crisis hits…

But still after turning thirty I was faced with identity crisis. I became overly aware of my looks. My body image became something I was obsessing for  a while. After talking to other women I understand that I was pretty late on having that crisis. I had to define my place in the society and I thought I had to figure out how I wanted to look like.

Why would I care what others think of me? All those faceless enemies that exist somewhere out there, blaiming and judging. It was then when I had to really start working on myself to accept me and who I was. To understand that my body and my mind belonged to me. And I’d be the judge of myself- just like I was raised to think.

After being in a knot with myself and coming out of it, I learned that the way I was- how I looked like- was who I am. And if I wanted to heal and move on I’d have to accept myself just as I was.

This got me thinking about the topic of self confidence and -esteem. It seems to be a huge issue to most of us throughout our lives. Mostly it seems to be coming from the media. All those images and opinions for us to feel bad about. Well, I refuse. As we all should.

 

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The person who says you are not good enough without even getting to know you first, is a fool. We are all born beautiful and capable.

 

Let’s not be victims…

I was so inspired hearing the interwiev of Diane Von Furstenberg where she’s saying she hates the word self esteem.” I hate the word self esteem, because the word itself sounds so victimy already. We should just call it self”, and I agree. 1  We are victimizing ourselves by just even giving the power to someone else to define us. Wether it is the media or a person close to us, or just someone who is talking bad about us. Our connection with ourselves should not be determined by anyone else.

We need to support each other, teach ourselves to become strong within ourselves in order to pass it on to others. One of my biggest lessons I have had to go through was to learn not to take on other peoples bad energy on me. And therefore have an effect on my state of being and happiness. To learn to find my place in this world. Aaaand I am still learning.

 

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Just be a tiger, as we have a word back home- sisu, witch means not to back down on things we want to achieve, so we should not.

 

Now,  I wish you amazing weekend with lot’s of sisu and most of all, amazing journey with the best person you have- you.

Kisses,

Tea

 

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