I never liked to be photographed. Since I was a kid, I felt uncomfortable in front of the camera. There are plenty of family portraits were this serious little girl is frozen and unsure about what is going on.
I wanted to write this to all of us ladies and to all of you men who do not look kindly of yourself. It’s a silly little thing, really… But hearing about eating disorders, anxiety, body image and number of other things people talk about, it is very real, we just don’t seem to accept ourselves, ever truly.
The power of the lens is incredible. If you got something to hide it will show it. If you have gained weight, it will show it. The lens will show your age, your beauty, strenght and vulnerability. It is a gateway to the soul and a good photographer is able to capture that- the echo of the soul. In our culture we speak to each other with images.
It may seem like I am comfortable in front of the camera now. I have worked on myself to become that- allowed my self to grow.
Changed through time so that I don’t see myself through the eyes of others but through the eyes of me.
As younger I was- even though I’d deny it at the time- conscious about others opinions about me. Aren’t we all? I am not so much anymore. Guess one could say that I have become comfortable being me.
When looking at the pictures of myself, I can see how my body has changed. Now in my thirties I see myself as a grown woman, as in my twenties I was skinny. I will never look like I looked a year ago, the time is gone. Life moves on, and with the time so does our bodies. This we need to learn to accept as a truth.
” I look fat “, the thought arises first thing to my mind. ” I have such thin lips “, comes as a second. ” My boobs look too big. ” And on and on could go the list of self critisism. It sounds horrible even writing these thoughts into words. But I want to write them for me and for you.
I do not hate myself. I love myself. Think of myself being a pretty cool chick. But there is still twenty prosent of insecurity in me, that I think will never go away.
The secret though is to learn not to let it control me or my thoughts. I know I am cabable. And I want you to know that you are too.
When I set aside the weight, the arms, the legs, even the small bum I have, I can see the smile that is genuine.
That girl is happy. I am happy. Behind the eyes I see a life lived. All the memories I have made so far, the people I have touched and who have touched me. The lessons I’ve learned, all the caring I have shown and all the trust I have build.
The feeling of love comes over me- I have created all of that with this body of mine. It has carried my soul for thirtyfouryears and I should love it in return.
All of that I can see inside this body of mine, and I feel blessed that I am me.
Your body is a amazing little vessel of love. Give it the respect and trust it deserves and it will carry you to amazing adventures!